Today’s entry is going to be a little on the heavy, pull on your heart strings; ponder about your life entry. I have been kicking this around in my head since December, and I have finally decided that maybe if I wrote about it, it would help de-clutter my brain and since 2010 is all about re-organizing and de-cluttering I think it is time for me to get this down on paper.
I am not going to go into details about the events that preceded this, because that really isn’t my story to tell, but I will say that my neighbors have been put through the emotional ringer since early November of 2009. They as a family will never quite be the same even though the loss their family took wasn’t a direct household loss; it will forever affect their family dynamics. This loss is something that makes me think of them each and every time I drive past their home, which then consumes my own thoughts about my family and what my wishes would be if I were in their shoes.
I am no longer going to make people wonder what I would want done, I am going to make my wishes clear right here on my blog for anyone to see, so that God forbid something were to happen to me, others are not wondering what I would have wanted or angry at my hubby for actions that he may or may not do.
Deep, I know. So you may want to run and hide under the covers for this post, because it will be long and brutal and real. Honestly I think about this so much that it consumes my thoughts, so I am going to do my best to try to clear my brain with the hope that by doing so it will then take a weight of my shoulders and help give me some sigh of relief that my wishes are out and in the open.
Here they are……
First and most importantly, I have given up a teaching career and within the last three years a teaching license so that my three children could be raised by me and not a daycare. I have been at home raising my children for 8 years. Now I know that anyone who reads this and works or reads this and worked while their children were my children's age may take offense to this, but honestly I don’t care. Stay at home moms vs working mothers is an entire other blog for someone else to debate. This is about my wishes and the path that I have tried to clear for my family, so keep that in mind as I continue. My wish would be for my children to never step foot in a daycare. I have accomplished this so far, but my baby still has 2 maybe 3 more years till kindergarten, and I would be very heartbroken if she were to have to step foot at a daycare.
Secondly, I wish that even if I were to have to go back to work when all of my children are in school, I wish for a job that allows me the freedom to put them on the bus in the morning and be home when they get off it in the afternoon. Someone has to drive them to and from practices and activities and I want to be able to have that luxury for myself and them because that is when they talk to you and tell you what is really going on in their life. Despite the daily temper tantrums after school over food and homework, I want to be here for them when they step off that bus.
Next, the Mr. and I purposely came back to the city and state that we were raised in for a reason. That being we wanted our children to be raised in an environment where grandparents could be an everyday part of their lives, if the grandparents wanted it that way. I would be devastated if for some reason they had to be moved away or were more than a 2 hour drive away from those people; so never, never move my kids away for their support system. Support systems may move because I am in no way attached to the area I live, it is more my love for the people I live around that I love, so Kiki, mom and dad can move closer to you so you do not have to move back to the dreadful climate of the Midwest, however, you cannot stay in movie-land, you’ve got to move to a more kid friendly city. Or the deal is off.
My wish would be for Jared to raise them as a single father, but I would want them to have some type of mother figure that is not a grandmother to actively help them. ( IE…make-up, haircuts, clothes shopping) so I would be ok with Jared remarrying as long as she was not a money hungry B….
If something were to happen to the both of us, I would want my sister to raise them, not hubby’s brother. However, I would never want them to grow up in LA LA Land, so she would have to move back home or I would find someone else to raise my children. Even though my brother –in-law is a father, and lives in the same state as I do, my wish would be that he not be the one to raise my children. If my sister were to not want to move back to the area, I am ok with that, but then I would want my children to be raised by one of two families. (Those families know who you are, so if you’re reading this and think gosh I hope it is not me, it probably isn’t, so you’re off the hook)
I think lastly, I want people to know that, I think flowers are a huge waste of money. A few would be fine to make the viewing colorful, but I am so much more a plant or contribute to a fund type girl. The flowers are beautiful and all, but in a few short days they will just be in the trash and a lot of money will have been wasted. Cremation is fine by me, save the money because no one ever visits grave-sites anymore. I just want to make sure that any organs that can be donated are used.
Ok, I feel better, like a little weight has been lifted. I know that ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone does because I will be long gone and removed for the situation, but I feel better at least saying what I would want to be done, because, grieving family members sometimes makes rash decisions out of raw emotion because they just hurt too much to think it through.
4hawkeyes, the houseoffiveoncambridgedrive wants you to know; we love you and pray for you daily. That olive branch is always available all you have to do is reach to touch it.
